Interviews With Ashton: An Angry Little Boy

 Previous posts regarding my daughter's mission trip to Russia with Allies in Youth Development:

"To Russian With . . . Hesitation?"
"Interviews With Ashton: Russia Meets Father of the Bride"
"Interviews With Ashton: Graduation & I'm Going To Be a Millionaire"

Kids in the Corners

Before Ashton left for Russia, Loretta and I urged her to find the kids in the corners, the ones that who might have felt even more rejected than the other orphans.  (Kids like Stephen Ucembe, whom I wrote about in "Remembering Kickball and Picking Teams.")  This was not new for Ashton; she has been noticing and including kids on the edges since she was a little girl.  But when you only have a couple of hours in an orphanage, you have to be intentional about finding the kids who are not as cute, as bubbly, as engaging.

This One Place

Ashton had several summations of what she observed in the various orphanages and transitional homes.  But she remembered one this one place, a place where Allies in Youth Development had not gone before, that affected the whole mission team, Americans and Russians alike.

Orphanage conditions?  

Closed-off, not really like homes.  Typically, rows of twin beds with each kid's belongings in a pile underneath or beside the beds. 

In this one place, the home to about 30 or so Russian orphans of varying ages, living conditions were not good.  "It was a very sad, sad place.  The place smelled weird."  This place was hard on the whole team and even strong, Russian university students broke down and cried over what they witnessed.

Caregivers? 

Mostly downcast but very closed-off at this place.

Kids?

The level of warmth from the kids in the orphanages and transition homes usually mirrored the amount of time the university students had spent there in the past. 

At this one transitional home, the kids had bruises in "unusual places" and "missing patches of hair" and "unusually scratched-up knees." The older girls were very depressed and downcast.  Ashton noticed that in the midst of this setting, there was one little boy who was positive, always smiling and trying to encourage the other kids.  And then there was . . .

The Angry Little Boy

Ashton learned pretty soon after arriving at this place that there was one little boy who never spoke and who was angry all the time.  She moved toward him and gained some degree of favor with him, though he would not let her touch him or even come very close to him.  Though he would not join in with the games that the group was using to break the ice with the kids, he came closer to stand by Ashton's side.

She drew him further in by first taking out her phone to take photos of him (He actually smiled for the photo you see at the top of this post.) and then by sitting down with him and letting him play a game on her phone.  (As she told me this, I groaned out of recognition of where this was going.)  Sure enough, other kids began to come around, first to see what this little boy was doing, and then for a turn at the game.

To avoid the rapidly approaching chaos, Ashton took her phone back and put it up.  The little boy began to scream hysterically, and one of the caregivers (with whom Ashton was helpless to communicate what had just happened) came and snatched the little boy away. 

For the rest of their time together, Ashton tried to regain the angry little boy's favor.  During some of the later activities, he would not let her hold him, but he came near.  When it came time to say good-bye, he waved to her.  "I was glad he didn't hate me."

 

Just Someone to Listen

How many of these kids are holding on to anger like this little fella?  When the caregivers are concerned with the practical aspects of caring for the orphans and not the nurturing aspects (like showing affection and listening), it allows pent-up sorrow and loss to fester into anger.  I have read that, many times, caregivers don't know whether they should try to relate to the orphans in a personal way.  Bravo to AiYD and the university students with whom they partner for not only providing at least a little personal connection with the kids but for providing an example for those who care for the kids daily. 

Offer a prayer that these caregivers take a moment to listen, even in the busyness of their daily routine.  Offer a prayer that these kids find their way to a Father who already knows the sorrow and pain that they feel and loves them beyond what they can imagine.

Thanks for reading.

4theVoiceless,
Al

Interviews with Ashton: Graduation & "I'm Going to Be a Millionaire"

This is the 3rd in a series of posts about by daughter's recent mission trip to Russia to serve orphans there alongside Russian college students.  Allies in Youth Development is the ministry through which they served.  AiYD's place in the orphan care world is to provide transitional assistance to orphans through a big brother/big sister type of mentorship.  American partners not only provide basic items for children in a growing number of Russian orphanages and transitional homes, but they also send teams that provide physical support two-three times per year.

Previous Posts:

"To Russian With . . . Hesitation?"

"Interviews With Ashton: Russia Meets Father of the Bride"

The Numbers Reveal the Need

According the the AiYD site, the statistics reveal a tremendous need for children in orphanages and transitional homes to have positive connections established before aging out of the system.  (Aging out simply means that the orphans have reached an age when they will no longer be cared for by the system that has provided for their physical needs, as well as their education.)

Of the 15,000+ orphans aging out of the 2176+ state run institutions each year...

10% commit suicide
20% are expected to be incarcerated
33% are unemployed
40% have been involved in crime
40% are involved with drugs
40% are homeless

Does Mentorship Work?

Ashton's graduation party: Gift from us: a Russian language program!

My question to Ashton was this: Did you see evidence that the partnership with Russian college students, AiYD, and orphans is working?  Not cold, hard statistics but what she actually saw.  Her answer was an emphatic "Yes!"

Her team was privileged to be a part of a graduation ceremony at one of the orphanages.  From this particular orphanage, of the 18-20 that were aging out, almost two-thirds of them intended to go to college to study to be social workers.  On the day before her own graduation celebration, she described with great joy what she experienced at the Russian graduation.

About a year prior to this particular graduation, a conference was held with the soon-to-be graduates.  These young people, most of whom had been in the system since about sixth grade, each discussed there future plans.  One young man, who later had much to say during an emotional graduation ceremony, stated emphatically, "I'm going to be a millionaire!"  Those who knew him said they did not doubt that he would reach his goal.  (Note: Ashton did not know whether this young man's dream of being a millionaire was in dollars or rubles; with an exchange rate of about 30/1, a little more that $33,000 would make him a millionaire . . . in rubles.  We think he aspires much higher than that!)

During the graduation ceremony, each of the graduates had several bouquets of flowers that they presented to teachers and caregivers who had meant much to them.  What a fascinating idea!

Ashton said the ceremony was neat to watch, but she was surprised at the emotion of the event.  "It was interesting because every single one of the guys was in tears.  One of them -- all he could say was 'thank you.'  They were all bawling.  Absolutely none of the girls were crying, not one of them broke.  Here it's normally the opposite."

The Difference

To Ashton, graduation wasn't a big, emotional event.  Having homeschooled through all of her studies, she neither had nor wanted a formal ceremony.  As per her wishes, we had a simple come-and-go celebration.  She will not "age out" of our home, and even after she leaves, she will have a family to spend Sunday lunches with and a place to celebrate holidays.  A place called home.

Perhaps that is why she witnessed so much emotion -- at least from the boys -- during the Russian graduation ceremony.  While her own graduation was a significant step into adulthood, the transition will be much slower than if she were aging out of our home, never to be allowed to return, even for holidays.  Can you imagine your high school graduation doubling as your invitation to leave home and not come back?

That's why Allies in Youth Development exists, to smooth this transition and to give orphans connections and hope beyond aging out.  I'm so glad Ashton has begun to invest her time and relational gifts in these students.  Have I mentioned how proud of her I am?

Photos of Ashton and the team with some of the older students at one of the orphanages:

Thanks for reading.  More from my interview with Ashton later this week.

4theVoiceless,
Al

Interviews With Ashton: Russia Meets Father of the Bride

Interviewing My Daughter:

The Best Kind of Working Lunch

Lunch yesterday at Holiday Deli & Ham was a working lunch, of sorts.  I met my daughter, Ashton, to catch up on her life in general and to talk about her recent mission trip to Russia that I first wrote about in "To Russia With . . . Hesitation?"  She went on this 10-day journey with two other young lades from our church, and they connected with a group of 14 others from Texas under the umbrella of Allies in Youth Development, whose stated mission is to train and empower in-country university students to become volunteer mentors to orphans in their area.

I will be sharing several stories of Ashton's perspective of orphan care in Russia over the next few blogs.  I look forward to writing about her perspectives on a graduation at an orphanage, a rat, a future millionaire, an angry little boy, and several others.

Father of the Bride . . . Well, in a Way

Ashton is 18 years old and graduating from Ainsworth Christian School (sounds better than graduating from homeschool, doesn't it?).  Her graduation party is tonight, and plans are in full swing to make it happen.  In fact, my blogging time this morning is cut short by the necessity of my participation in the preparation.

Several years ago, Ashton was in a play that required her to be away from home most nights for the better part of several months.  Or so it seemed.  She began to lead worship for the students at church -- practice every Monday night.  Not too long afterward, she became a licensed driver and the owner of Joey and Sarah Beeson's 1998 Taurus.  In rapid succession, she started going to proms, got a job, became a manager, decided what she wanted to do with her life after college.

Daddy-daughter dates have become much more difficult to schedule.  I have been living as Steven Curtis Chapman singing "Cinderella" and morphing into Steve Martin in Father of the Bride.  I said that out loud to Ashton that yesterday when, at the end of two hours together, I felt like we had just started talking.  That set up a really funny moment last night:

When my wife and I were talking last night about Ashton's graduation party and all the things that we both need to do today to make it happen, my wife dropped this line on me:  "I may need you to stay outside for a while tomorrow night and help with parking."   I had a vision of my 10-year-old and I destroying the neighborhood as we parked vehicles on every square foot of available property.  (If you have not seen Father of the Bride, you totally don't get that -- sorry.)

Starring Role

I promise to share some of my actual interview with Ashton and some of her experiences caring for orphans in Russia -- next week.  But today, I have the starring role in Father of the Graduate.  I have a table to get and set up, a ping pong table to move out of our entry hall, barbeque to pick up, and, yes, cars to park.  Because today, like all the other days before it as Ashton's dad, is not about me.  It's about turning her loose in a world that so desperately needs bright lights like her.  It's about releasing her to be everything God has created her to be.  I'm so incredibly proud of her; words just won't describe how much.

So when you see the guy on the edge of her party with that look that Steve Martin so wonderfully mastered, that's one proud daddy.  I love you, Ashton.

Thanks for reading.

4theVoiceless,
Al