Interviews With Ashton: An Angry Little Boy

 Previous posts regarding my daughter's mission trip to Russia with Allies in Youth Development:

"To Russian With . . . Hesitation?"
"Interviews With Ashton: Russia Meets Father of the Bride"
"Interviews With Ashton: Graduation & I'm Going To Be a Millionaire"

Kids in the Corners

Before Ashton left for Russia, Loretta and I urged her to find the kids in the corners, the ones that who might have felt even more rejected than the other orphans.  (Kids like Stephen Ucembe, whom I wrote about in "Remembering Kickball and Picking Teams.")  This was not new for Ashton; she has been noticing and including kids on the edges since she was a little girl.  But when you only have a couple of hours in an orphanage, you have to be intentional about finding the kids who are not as cute, as bubbly, as engaging.

This One Place

Ashton had several summations of what she observed in the various orphanages and transitional homes.  But she remembered one this one place, a place where Allies in Youth Development had not gone before, that affected the whole mission team, Americans and Russians alike.

Orphanage conditions?  

Closed-off, not really like homes.  Typically, rows of twin beds with each kid's belongings in a pile underneath or beside the beds. 

In this one place, the home to about 30 or so Russian orphans of varying ages, living conditions were not good.  "It was a very sad, sad place.  The place smelled weird."  This place was hard on the whole team and even strong, Russian university students broke down and cried over what they witnessed.

Caregivers? 

Mostly downcast but very closed-off at this place.

Kids?

The level of warmth from the kids in the orphanages and transition homes usually mirrored the amount of time the university students had spent there in the past. 

At this one transitional home, the kids had bruises in "unusual places" and "missing patches of hair" and "unusually scratched-up knees." The older girls were very depressed and downcast.  Ashton noticed that in the midst of this setting, there was one little boy who was positive, always smiling and trying to encourage the other kids.  And then there was . . .

The Angry Little Boy

Ashton learned pretty soon after arriving at this place that there was one little boy who never spoke and who was angry all the time.  She moved toward him and gained some degree of favor with him, though he would not let her touch him or even come very close to him.  Though he would not join in with the games that the group was using to break the ice with the kids, he came closer to stand by Ashton's side.

She drew him further in by first taking out her phone to take photos of him (He actually smiled for the photo you see at the top of this post.) and then by sitting down with him and letting him play a game on her phone.  (As she told me this, I groaned out of recognition of where this was going.)  Sure enough, other kids began to come around, first to see what this little boy was doing, and then for a turn at the game.

To avoid the rapidly approaching chaos, Ashton took her phone back and put it up.  The little boy began to scream hysterically, and one of the caregivers (with whom Ashton was helpless to communicate what had just happened) came and snatched the little boy away. 

For the rest of their time together, Ashton tried to regain the angry little boy's favor.  During some of the later activities, he would not let her hold him, but he came near.  When it came time to say good-bye, he waved to her.  "I was glad he didn't hate me."

 

Just Someone to Listen

How many of these kids are holding on to anger like this little fella?  When the caregivers are concerned with the practical aspects of caring for the orphans and not the nurturing aspects (like showing affection and listening), it allows pent-up sorrow and loss to fester into anger.  I have read that, many times, caregivers don't know whether they should try to relate to the orphans in a personal way.  Bravo to AiYD and the university students with whom they partner for not only providing at least a little personal connection with the kids but for providing an example for those who care for the kids daily. 

Offer a prayer that these caregivers take a moment to listen, even in the busyness of their daily routine.  Offer a prayer that these kids find their way to a Father who already knows the sorrow and pain that they feel and loves them beyond what they can imagine.

Thanks for reading.

4theVoiceless,
Al

Remembering Kickball and Picking Teams

Remembering Kickball

I remember kickball from my elementary school days.  The boys from my school would spend the entirety of recess playing kickball.  The best I can recall, home plate was a tree stump, first base was a utility pole, second base was a circle drawn in the dirt, and third base was a fencepost.  We played every day, we argued like elementary-age boys do, and we never got tired of playing.

I also remember the process of picking sides.  Name after name would be called and kids would move toward their respective teams while the pool of players that I was sometimes a part of would dwindle down to just a few.  Even then, everyone eventually was chosen.  And even when I wasn't one of the first kids chosen, I was always eventually chosen. 

I remember that feeling of inclusion after the mounting tension of the team captains choosing their respective teams.  I vividly remember having my name called, whether early or late in the process of picking sides.  It didn't really matter when I was chosen; I was on a team!

"I was never picked."

These were the words of Stephen Ucembe, a pastor from Kenya who shared his tragic story at the Summit 9 orphan care conference in early May.  Pastor Ucembe was orphaned at age five and placed in a state-run orphanage.  The orphans there were not allowed to cry.  They weren't given opportunities to step outside the fenced-in confines of the institution, though sometimes they would climb the fences to get a peek at the world outside:  "Some thought that was the rest of the world."

Pastor Ucembe remembered that visitors from the outside, usually from the United States or Europe, would come to visit his orphanage in Kenya:  "Visitors picked the ones that were cute.  I was never picked."  Cast aside again.

Can you imagine what that felt like?  Perhaps you can.  Perhaps you grew up in a home where you were neglected.  Perhaps you attended school with kids who were so mean to you that you couldn't stand the thought of going back the next day.  Perhaps you can relate. 

I can't.  My last post about Mother's Day (updated earlier this morning) indicates that my childhood was nothing like Pastor Ucembe's.  Oh, I remember the kickball games and sometimes having to wait a looonnng time to hear my name called.  But it was always called.  I can't relate to Pastor Ucembe from my own personal experience.

Chosen

I know that from Psalm 139 that God knows every fiber of my being, that He knew me before I was even conceived.  I know that He knows my name, the number of hairs on my head, my every thought, my joys and my sorrows.  I know that He loves me.  But what does He want me to do with that?  How do I use my relationship with Abba Father ("Papa" / "Daddy") to reach others who may not know Him like that because no one has ever picked them?

Here's one simple way that you may have the opportunity to use:  Notice the children on the edges.  Whether in an orphanage or a classroom or a children's ministry or even within a family, look for the ones that tend to get left out or marginalized.  Maybe they're not as cute as some of the others.  Or as well-dressed or as athletic or as smart or as witty or as outspoken -- the list goes on and on.  Do a craft that makes much of their names (like this one that our team that recently went to Haiti did with the kids there).

You can choose to notice them.  You can make them feel special with high fives and fist bumps and hugs.  And by calling them by name.  Something glows on the inside of neglected children who are lovingly called by name.  In calling their names, you reflect a heavenly Father who values the marginalized children just as much as all the rest . . . and He knows their names.

See what changed Pastor Ucembe's life in Nugget #1 of "5 Nuggets and 5 Questions from Summit 9."

Thanks for reading and for making a difference on behalf of the Father to His children on the edges.

4theVoiceless,
Al

5 Nuggets and 5 Questions from Summit 9

My wife, Loretta, and I traveled to beautiful Nashville, Tennessee, last week to take part in Summit 9, the annual global orphan conference put together by the Christian Alliance for Orphans.  In nine years Summit has grown from just over 30 people to this year's over 2,500 (with registration closing early due to space limitations).  At least 25 countries were represented as well as 49 states (Come on, Vermont!).  The energy, focus, and passion of this year's gathering was most inspiring and contagious, most challenging.

I will not try to summarize everything that we experienced, though much of what I learned and was challenged with will find its way through the blog in days to come.  For today, I have pulled five nuggets from my notes, each with a question to challenge you to action on behalf of the millions of at-risk children in the world.  As you consider each question, though, don't think in terms of millions; think in terms of individual orphans that you may or may not yet know.  Kids who are waiting for you to act on their behalf.

Nugget #1

Stephen Ucembe, a Kenyan pastor who was orphaned in a tragic way at age five, shared that he hated the term "I love you" because he never heard it as a child.  He recalled that when visitors came, they always picked the cutest kids to hold and to play with; he was never chosen.  His most beautiful memory of childhood was receiving a Christmas package from a lady in her 70's, a lady he had never met, from England.  In that package was a four-page letter in which she wrote, "I love you."

Many of you already sponsor at-risk children around the world.  We might think that our $25, $30, $35, $40 per month sponsorship is bringing great blessing to those children (and it is!), but would you go a step further and also write a letter to your child in which you tell him/her "I love you"?

Nugget #2

U.S. Representative Michele Bachmann from Minnesota, a leading Congressional advocate for orphan care, was introduced to foster care through a friend at church.  In the years that followed, the Bachmanns brought 23 foster kids into their home, and each one graduated high school (If you have ever looked at the statistics, you know that this is an amazing feat!).  She recalled how therapeutic it was for the older children to engage with the younger children and for the younger children to engage with the older.


How will you intentionally train your children of whatever age to wisely engage with at-risk children? 

Nugget #3

Jedd Medefind, president of Christian Alliance for Orphans (CAFO), announced to the crowd in the sanctuary of conference host Brentwood Baptist Church and to those in the overflow room that Summit has always been held in a local church because local churches were the answer to the world's orphan crisis.  I'm not sure any more profound words were shared in the entire conference.

Simply, what are you doing in your local church to carry out God's command to His people to care for orphans?  If you are a part of our faith family at Colonial Hills Church and you don't know what this looks like for you, I would love to sit down and have a conversation with you about how much there is to do and how you can get involved.

Nugget #4

Bishop W.C. Martin of Possum Trot, Texas, absolutely captivated the crowd with his larger-than-life personality and the story of how his church, Bennett's Chapel in the tiny little town of Possum Trot, has adopted over 70 children from foster care.  They have not provided out of their excess but out of a compelling desire to follow God's command to care for the orphan.  Their story has put Possum Trot, Texas, on the map.  (Just in case you were wondering, Bishop Martin reports that Possum Trot is "on the other side on Coonville.")

Will you consider the needs of children at risk from God's perspective and the child's perspective before your own perspective and see how God compels you to act out in faith?

Nugget #5

"Adoption begins with a parent's initiative, not with a child's choice."
"An orphaned child (who was ultimately adopted into a family) has no idea of the pursuit that had taken place on his behalf."
"The gospel does not begin with our pursuit of Christ but with His pursuit of us."
-- David Platt

If you have been involved in any aspect of caring for orphans -- adoption, helping others adopt, fostering, local and global orphan homes, whatever your involvement may have been -- how will you use your experience and your stories to share the gospel?

Thanks for reading.  Now take action.  I would love to hear your responses to the challenges I have set before you today.

4theVoiceless,
Al