Kidney Stones and Heartache: One Family's Foster Care Journey

One of the delights of my role as a pastor orphan care champion is to walk families through the process of deciding to adopt or foster a child.  I don't do much of the work, actually; I just point them in the right direction.  However, one thing that I have learned and that I have made sure to pass along to those going through the process is this: The process is not final until the judge (or whoever makes the ultimate decision) declares it final.  This has been wisdom learned and passed on to others who have needed to be prepared for it.

An Unexpected Move of God

When we kicked off the 4theVoiceless ministry at Colonial Hills Church in February of 2012, one of our small groups came to hear Rick Morton speak about the need for churches to get involved in orphan care ministry.  One couple in that group, Dolph and Kimberly Crafton, came simply because their small group leader asked them to come. 

What happened next was the start of a truly amazing and as-yet-unfinished journey.  God began to tug at their hearts to get involved in foster care.  They drove back and forth to Corinth (an hour-and-a-half drive each way) to receive the training they would need.  (Side note: A long car ride back and forth to foster care training gives a couple plenty of time to discuss and process . . . .)  They filled out all of the required paperwork, underwent the necessary background checks, built a community of support, and were ready to welcome a child into their home.  Their new home, one that they would move into in a matter of weeks.

That's when their story took a detour.  Well, several detours, actually.  I want you to hear the story as Kimberly told it to me in an email a couple of weeks ago.  It's a story in process.  It's a story without a pretty bow tied on top (at least not yet).  It's a story of God working in the meantime. 

It begins with Kimberly in the hospital with a PING PONG-SIZED kidney stone.  Here's how she describes the day she got the call from their social worker:

"One of the Worst Days of My Life"

The day we got the call about not being approved was one of the worst days of my life. I was in the hospital at Baptist East last August. Dolph had just gotten there to eat dinner with me - one of the few nights I had been hungry and wanted to eat. The day had been terrible -- nothing but bad news after bad news after bad news about my health and the prognosis for what the "doctor's thought" would happen (thank GOD it was not what HE wanted to happen). 

They actually told me that I was probably going to lose my kidneys and be on dialysis for the rest of my life or have to have a transplant. Plus, we got news that said that we might not get the house we are now in... needless to say, that day so far had been terrible. Dolph walked in with food, and five minutes later they came and took me to dialysis -- I wasn't even supposed to go until the next morning. That meant that for the next 6 hours I would be stuck in a freezing room being made to feel miserable and completely drained. 

Then halfway through the dialysis, my cell phone rang. I saw that it was our social worker. For a moment, hope cursed through me, and I wanted her to tell me that we had been approved. But that was not God's plan either. God knew that I needed to rest and get well. He knew what His plan was for me; I didn't. She told me that we had not been approved because of something completely silly in Dolph's past where he actually kept someone from kidnapping his daughter - but he was physically violent toward the person, so that meant they had to say no. I was crushed. I began crying uncontrollably.

 

My blood pressure jumped up to stroke level. I had nurses pulling and pushing at me all of a sudden. Finally, one nurse realized that I had gotten bad news on the phone. She made the others step away. She asked me what had happened and patiently waited for me to cry  my way through the entire ordeal. When I finished, she looked at me and smiled. She had been a child in the foster care system from the time she was 2 until she was 18. She was one of the lucky ones that got great foster parents and was able to stay with them until she aged out. Even after that, they treated her like family. We talked for 3 hours about the system and what it meant to be a foster parent. She was a Christ-follower and was able to walk me through the hurt and pain and show me that God had a plan for me. I will never forget her; her name was Adeille. She was an angel sent from God.

 

The last thing she said before they took me back to the room was, "Pray every day that God will heal you, and He will. Pray every day that He gives you your house, and He will. But most of all, pray that he will open hearts and lead the way for you to be great foster parents just like I had growing up. I feel it in my heart that is what He wants for you both. I can see it when I close my eyes, but you have to remember it is all in His time." 

 

I never saw her again after that day. I asked about her several times, and she was always on another shift or off that day. I wrote her a letter the other day and let her know that two out of three prayers had been granted by our wonderful Lord. And that now it was time to start on the last part. I'm well now - no more ping pong-sized kidney stone. Both kidneys are working perfectly; there's still some infection in there, but that is "to be expected" from passing the last of the stone and should be gone in 10 days.

 

I've been praying every day that when we go back to the state of Mississippi that they open their hearts and realize what a mistake was made. It's going to mean a trip to Texas for us to get the "proof" that they need to approve everything, but it's a trip we are willing to make. If you all will please start praying that the state of Mississippi reconsiders their ruling and allows us to follow the path that God has put before us, I would be extremely grateful. I have the feeling that this is going to take A LOT of PRAYER!!!!! But I know that nothing is out of God's reach or isn't within His ability.

 

Thanks,

Kimberly

 

Dolph and Kimberly Crafton with their handsome grandson Dexter

I will add nothing more to this wonderful yet still-in-the-process work of God other than to ask you to pause right now and pray for God's will to be done in the Craftons' lives, on earth as it is in heaven.

Thanks for reading.

4theVoiceless,

Al

 

Friday Little Bits: A Garbage Bag? That's Not Right!

I have handed out many copies of Tony Merida and Rick Morton's excellent book, Orphanology.   The book is a great overview of orphan care -- why we should get involved in it and how we can get involved in it.  I have now been a part of two groups who have gone through a study of the book, and Rick has personally spoken to a group of those at our church who were interested in getting involved in some aspect of orphan care.

Righteously Indignant

Of all the great examples in the book, there is one that seems to make people righteously indignant every time.  The authors tell of social workers going into homes to pick up children to remove them from dangerous situations.  When they arrive, they often hurriedly pack the children's belongings . . . in a garbage bag. 

Reading or hearing about this usually provokes a reaction somewhere between frustration and infuriation.  Not at the social worker.  Not even at the parents.  At the garbage bag.  For a child who has already been through the pain of abuse or neglect, is it too much to ask that their belongings be packed into a decent piece of luggage?  Aaarrrrggggghhh!!!

Could Do, Should Do

With all the staggering statistics about at-risk and orphaned children around the world, it is easy to be so overwhelmed that we do nothing.  But providing "dignity bags" seems to be something that people say, "We should do something about that.  We could do that."

And we should.  Psalm 139:16-17 (HCSB) says, "Your eyes saw me when I was formless; all [my] days were written in Your book and planned before a single one of them began.  God, how difficult Your thoughts are for me [to comprehend]; how vast their sum is!"  A garbage bag doesn't reflect God's heart toward these children -- quite the opposite, in fact.  They have an enemy who will tell them for the rest of their lives that they are worthless.  Believers in Jesus Christ, we should reflect our Redeemer from the moment these children are taken from these horrible situations.  Beginning with a "dignity duffel" and continuing from there.

The Call

Through one of the foster parents in our church, we were able to make contact with our local Department of Human Services and let them know our desire to partner with them in providing these dignity bags along with some basic essentials (toiletries, diapers, etc.).  This week, I received a call from a social worker from DHS.  After a few words of introduction, she started off with these chilling words: "It's true."  They really do pack children's belongings in a garbage bag.

And we really can do something about that.  Check back here in the weeks to come to find out how.

Thanks for reading.

4theVoiceless,
Al

Friday Little Bits: 4 Ministry Updates

Hope for Haiti

Hope for Haiti continues to make progress.  Right now, through bracelet sales and contributions, we have raised $7,200 (23%) of our $35,000 goal.  Construction on the new House of Abraham has begun with work on the foundation.  Look for photos in the next few days on the Facebook page.

 

4theVoiceless Adoption Cookbook

We have received 37 recipes (9%) so far and have 363 to go.  Remember, profits from this cookbook will go toward the 4theVoiceless adoption fund to assist those adopting children.  If you haven’t submitted a recipe yet, would you please send us up to 10 of your best.  Click here for the form.
Categories:

Main Dishes
Breads
Side Dishes
Desserts
Starters/Appetizers
International Dishes
Soups/Salads
Crock Pot/Slow Cooker Recipes

Adoption Conference

I am looking forward to attending the Together for Adoption national conference near Atlanta with one of our other team members.  There are some great breakouts scheduled; we had a hard time choosing eight of them between us.  I look forward to reporting on what we learn.

Orphanology Study at CHC

Colonial Hills Church - Southaven will be offering a study of Orphanology, by Tony Merida and Rick Morton, as part of our equipping classes beginning September 26.  This is a great place to step in to orphan care ministry.  Along with many others, I have found this book to be a great blend of WHY we should do orphan care and HOW we can do orphan care.  Whether you are an attender at CHC or not, you are welcome to join us for this study on Wednesday nights at 6:30.

Thanks for reading,

Al