Interviews With Ashton: That's a Wrap

Today, I will wrap up my interview with my daughter Ashton about her recent trip to Russia to minister to orphans there alongside Russian college students with a few random questions and answers that I didn't want you to miss:

A happy little boy -- at least for the moment.

On the Angry Little Boy from yesterday's post:
"I would have adopted that little boy in a heartbeat if I could."

On the type of kids that she was most often attracted to at the orphanages and transition homes:
"It was a little boy that was angry with the world -- every time.  I connected with them -- every time." 

What a cool playground

Nina's ukulele -- a big hit!

On the orphans in general:
"It was hard to see some of the hurt in their eyes." 

On the relationship between the caregivers and the orphans in their care:
"It wasn't personal between the kids and the workers at all.  For the ones (team members) who could talk to the kids, the kids would open up to them in a heartbeat."

On imagining what it's like to go through life when there is no one to listen:
"That's what was killing me; I wanted to listen, but I couldn't.  I hated that.  That was the worst part."  (Loretta and I gave Ashton a Russian language program for her graduation present.  She has said she wants to start learning Russian as soon as she can.  If you know her, ask her how that's going when you see her.)

On worship in the church where the team visited:
"It was the WAY they worshiped.  There was this one guy -- all he had was a tambourine.  If he had been the only one on stage, he could have led the whole congregation in worship.  He just worshiped, and he didn't care who was watching.  He was all-out, and he just had a tambourine.  He wasn't singing -- nothing -- he just had a tambourine.  The whole band was like that.  So when I looked out over the congregation, the whole congregation was worshiping.  That's a huge thing."

I hope you have enjoyed joining my dialogue with Ashton.  I have certainly enjoyed bringing you glimpses of one 18-year-old young lady's first first big step into James 1:27.  Into Proverbs 31:8 -- for the voiceless. 

Thanks for reading.  And thanks for over 10,000 page views over the last 13 months!

4theVoiceless,
Al

Previous conversations:
"To Russian With . . . Hesitation?"
"Interviews With Ashton: Russia Meets Father of the Bride"
"Interviews With Ashton: Graduation & I'm Going To Be a Millionaire"
"Interviews With Ashton: An Angry Little Boy"

Interviews With Ashton: An Angry Little Boy

 Previous posts regarding my daughter's mission trip to Russia with Allies in Youth Development:

"To Russian With . . . Hesitation?"
"Interviews With Ashton: Russia Meets Father of the Bride"
"Interviews With Ashton: Graduation & I'm Going To Be a Millionaire"

Kids in the Corners

Before Ashton left for Russia, Loretta and I urged her to find the kids in the corners, the ones that who might have felt even more rejected than the other orphans.  (Kids like Stephen Ucembe, whom I wrote about in "Remembering Kickball and Picking Teams.")  This was not new for Ashton; she has been noticing and including kids on the edges since she was a little girl.  But when you only have a couple of hours in an orphanage, you have to be intentional about finding the kids who are not as cute, as bubbly, as engaging.

This One Place

Ashton had several summations of what she observed in the various orphanages and transitional homes.  But she remembered one this one place, a place where Allies in Youth Development had not gone before, that affected the whole mission team, Americans and Russians alike.

Orphanage conditions?  

Closed-off, not really like homes.  Typically, rows of twin beds with each kid's belongings in a pile underneath or beside the beds. 

In this one place, the home to about 30 or so Russian orphans of varying ages, living conditions were not good.  "It was a very sad, sad place.  The place smelled weird."  This place was hard on the whole team and even strong, Russian university students broke down and cried over what they witnessed.

Caregivers? 

Mostly downcast but very closed-off at this place.

Kids?

The level of warmth from the kids in the orphanages and transition homes usually mirrored the amount of time the university students had spent there in the past. 

At this one transitional home, the kids had bruises in "unusual places" and "missing patches of hair" and "unusually scratched-up knees." The older girls were very depressed and downcast.  Ashton noticed that in the midst of this setting, there was one little boy who was positive, always smiling and trying to encourage the other kids.  And then there was . . .

The Angry Little Boy

Ashton learned pretty soon after arriving at this place that there was one little boy who never spoke and who was angry all the time.  She moved toward him and gained some degree of favor with him, though he would not let her touch him or even come very close to him.  Though he would not join in with the games that the group was using to break the ice with the kids, he came closer to stand by Ashton's side.

She drew him further in by first taking out her phone to take photos of him (He actually smiled for the photo you see at the top of this post.) and then by sitting down with him and letting him play a game on her phone.  (As she told me this, I groaned out of recognition of where this was going.)  Sure enough, other kids began to come around, first to see what this little boy was doing, and then for a turn at the game.

To avoid the rapidly approaching chaos, Ashton took her phone back and put it up.  The little boy began to scream hysterically, and one of the caregivers (with whom Ashton was helpless to communicate what had just happened) came and snatched the little boy away. 

For the rest of their time together, Ashton tried to regain the angry little boy's favor.  During some of the later activities, he would not let her hold him, but he came near.  When it came time to say good-bye, he waved to her.  "I was glad he didn't hate me."

 

Just Someone to Listen

How many of these kids are holding on to anger like this little fella?  When the caregivers are concerned with the practical aspects of caring for the orphans and not the nurturing aspects (like showing affection and listening), it allows pent-up sorrow and loss to fester into anger.  I have read that, many times, caregivers don't know whether they should try to relate to the orphans in a personal way.  Bravo to AiYD and the university students with whom they partner for not only providing at least a little personal connection with the kids but for providing an example for those who care for the kids daily. 

Offer a prayer that these caregivers take a moment to listen, even in the busyness of their daily routine.  Offer a prayer that these kids find their way to a Father who already knows the sorrow and pain that they feel and loves them beyond what they can imagine.

Thanks for reading.

4theVoiceless,
Al

Interviews with Ashton: Graduation & "I'm Going to Be a Millionaire"

This is the 3rd in a series of posts about by daughter's recent mission trip to Russia to serve orphans there alongside Russian college students.  Allies in Youth Development is the ministry through which they served.  AiYD's place in the orphan care world is to provide transitional assistance to orphans through a big brother/big sister type of mentorship.  American partners not only provide basic items for children in a growing number of Russian orphanages and transitional homes, but they also send teams that provide physical support two-three times per year.

Previous Posts:

"To Russian With . . . Hesitation?"

"Interviews With Ashton: Russia Meets Father of the Bride"

The Numbers Reveal the Need

According the the AiYD site, the statistics reveal a tremendous need for children in orphanages and transitional homes to have positive connections established before aging out of the system.  (Aging out simply means that the orphans have reached an age when they will no longer be cared for by the system that has provided for their physical needs, as well as their education.)

Of the 15,000+ orphans aging out of the 2176+ state run institutions each year...

10% commit suicide
20% are expected to be incarcerated
33% are unemployed
40% have been involved in crime
40% are involved with drugs
40% are homeless

Does Mentorship Work?

Ashton's graduation party: Gift from us: a Russian language program!

My question to Ashton was this: Did you see evidence that the partnership with Russian college students, AiYD, and orphans is working?  Not cold, hard statistics but what she actually saw.  Her answer was an emphatic "Yes!"

Her team was privileged to be a part of a graduation ceremony at one of the orphanages.  From this particular orphanage, of the 18-20 that were aging out, almost two-thirds of them intended to go to college to study to be social workers.  On the day before her own graduation celebration, she described with great joy what she experienced at the Russian graduation.

About a year prior to this particular graduation, a conference was held with the soon-to-be graduates.  These young people, most of whom had been in the system since about sixth grade, each discussed there future plans.  One young man, who later had much to say during an emotional graduation ceremony, stated emphatically, "I'm going to be a millionaire!"  Those who knew him said they did not doubt that he would reach his goal.  (Note: Ashton did not know whether this young man's dream of being a millionaire was in dollars or rubles; with an exchange rate of about 30/1, a little more that $33,000 would make him a millionaire . . . in rubles.  We think he aspires much higher than that!)

During the graduation ceremony, each of the graduates had several bouquets of flowers that they presented to teachers and caregivers who had meant much to them.  What a fascinating idea!

Ashton said the ceremony was neat to watch, but she was surprised at the emotion of the event.  "It was interesting because every single one of the guys was in tears.  One of them -- all he could say was 'thank you.'  They were all bawling.  Absolutely none of the girls were crying, not one of them broke.  Here it's normally the opposite."

The Difference

To Ashton, graduation wasn't a big, emotional event.  Having homeschooled through all of her studies, she neither had nor wanted a formal ceremony.  As per her wishes, we had a simple come-and-go celebration.  She will not "age out" of our home, and even after she leaves, she will have a family to spend Sunday lunches with and a place to celebrate holidays.  A place called home.

Perhaps that is why she witnessed so much emotion -- at least from the boys -- during the Russian graduation ceremony.  While her own graduation was a significant step into adulthood, the transition will be much slower than if she were aging out of our home, never to be allowed to return, even for holidays.  Can you imagine your high school graduation doubling as your invitation to leave home and not come back?

That's why Allies in Youth Development exists, to smooth this transition and to give orphans connections and hope beyond aging out.  I'm so glad Ashton has begun to invest her time and relational gifts in these students.  Have I mentioned how proud of her I am?

Photos of Ashton and the team with some of the older students at one of the orphanages:

Thanks for reading.  More from my interview with Ashton later this week.

4theVoiceless,
Al

Interviews With Ashton: Russia Meets Father of the Bride

Interviewing My Daughter:

The Best Kind of Working Lunch

Lunch yesterday at Holiday Deli & Ham was a working lunch, of sorts.  I met my daughter, Ashton, to catch up on her life in general and to talk about her recent mission trip to Russia that I first wrote about in "To Russia With . . . Hesitation?"  She went on this 10-day journey with two other young lades from our church, and they connected with a group of 14 others from Texas under the umbrella of Allies in Youth Development, whose stated mission is to train and empower in-country university students to become volunteer mentors to orphans in their area.

I will be sharing several stories of Ashton's perspective of orphan care in Russia over the next few blogs.  I look forward to writing about her perspectives on a graduation at an orphanage, a rat, a future millionaire, an angry little boy, and several others.

Father of the Bride . . . Well, in a Way

Ashton is 18 years old and graduating from Ainsworth Christian School (sounds better than graduating from homeschool, doesn't it?).  Her graduation party is tonight, and plans are in full swing to make it happen.  In fact, my blogging time this morning is cut short by the necessity of my participation in the preparation.

Several years ago, Ashton was in a play that required her to be away from home most nights for the better part of several months.  Or so it seemed.  She began to lead worship for the students at church -- practice every Monday night.  Not too long afterward, she became a licensed driver and the owner of Joey and Sarah Beeson's 1998 Taurus.  In rapid succession, she started going to proms, got a job, became a manager, decided what she wanted to do with her life after college.

Daddy-daughter dates have become much more difficult to schedule.  I have been living as Steven Curtis Chapman singing "Cinderella" and morphing into Steve Martin in Father of the Bride.  I said that out loud to Ashton that yesterday when, at the end of two hours together, I felt like we had just started talking.  That set up a really funny moment last night:

When my wife and I were talking last night about Ashton's graduation party and all the things that we both need to do today to make it happen, my wife dropped this line on me:  "I may need you to stay outside for a while tomorrow night and help with parking."   I had a vision of my 10-year-old and I destroying the neighborhood as we parked vehicles on every square foot of available property.  (If you have not seen Father of the Bride, you totally don't get that -- sorry.)

Starring Role

I promise to share some of my actual interview with Ashton and some of her experiences caring for orphans in Russia -- next week.  But today, I have the starring role in Father of the Graduate.  I have a table to get and set up, a ping pong table to move out of our entry hall, barbeque to pick up, and, yes, cars to park.  Because today, like all the other days before it as Ashton's dad, is not about me.  It's about turning her loose in a world that so desperately needs bright lights like her.  It's about releasing her to be everything God has created her to be.  I'm so incredibly proud of her; words just won't describe how much.

So when you see the guy on the edge of her party with that look that Steve Martin so wonderfully mastered, that's one proud daddy.  I love you, Ashton.

Thanks for reading.

4theVoiceless,
Al

We Interrupt the Regular Blogging Schedule for This Update

In the Process

I have shared several "in the process" foster care and adoption stories with you over the last few weeks:

"Kidney Stones and Heartache: One Family's Foster Care Journey"

"Coach Hammond: Man of Many Hats (and One Very Special One)"

"Coach Hammond: A.K.A. Levi's Dad"  (Updated 5/29/12!)

I want my readers to understand that the process for families going through adoption or foster care is arduous and oftentimes heart-wrenching.  But today, I want to share with you one of the sweetest moments in the adoption process that one of our church family members experienced yesterday.

It's Her!!!

I couldn't wait until Friday, my next regularly scheduled blogging day to give you a quick update on Michael and April Satcher's adoption of little Primrose  (Michael first shared his heart for adopting a then-unknown-to-him Chinese girl in June of 2012 on the 4theVoiceless blog.):

Yesterday was the day that makes adoptive parents' hearts leap: The Satchers received photos of their little girl!  Read more about it and see other photos -- as well as the in-between parts of the Satchers' adoption journey -- on The Satcher Family blog.

Now, back to your regularly scheduled day . . .

Thanks for reading.

4theVoiceless,
Al

3 Levels of Fishing

When my son Garrett and I go fishing, we always call our activity by the generic title, fishing . . . at least at the beginning of the day.  After a few hours, however, the terminology changes.  At the end of the day, we have three different levels of reporting, based on our results:

Level 1: Casting

This is when we spend (usually no more than) a couple of hours practicing casting, removing lures, tying lures, and trying new lures -- only to come up empty.  These are the days that we determine that "there are NO fish in this ENTIRE pond."  (Because if there were, of course we would have caught some of them.)

Level 1 days are also the days that we have the greatest opportunity to default to conversations of frustrations over the fishing.  Simultaneously, these are the days when we have the greatest opportunities to talk about other things that matter a lot more than fishing.

Some days, the beauty of the lake belies the scarcity of fish in the lake.

All it took was finding the right lure!

Level 2: Fishing

Garrett and I call the second level of fishing . . . well, fishing.  These are the days when we get a few bites and maybe even catch a few fish.  The lure (pun intended) of catching fish usually keeps us on the pond an extra hour, at least.  The right lure, the right spot, the right flick of the wrist, make this a different day and take us to the next level.

These are the days when -- in the poetic words of Ernest Lawerence Thayer -- "hope springs eternal."  There are many transferable principles there, principles to be taught and of which to be reminded, on level 2 days.

And then, there's . . .

Level 3: Catching

Every once and a while, we have those days when we catch fish after fish, including some big ones.  There was the time when Garrett and I went with my dad to a pond near his house and caught 27 big bass within a couple of hours.  We may have caught more, but we spent some of that time taking photos of the ones we did reel in.

The level 3 days are the days that keep us going back.  Every time we go fishing, we make our predictions of how many fish we will catch.  Typically, we are optimistic that it will be at least a level 2, perhaps even a level 3 day.

Always a good sign to start catching fish before the sun is up good.

Good morning, beautiful!

My favorite fishing photo -- definitely a level 3 day!

 

A Word of Encouragement

The whole point of this blog is not simply to share my fishing experiences.  The point is this: If you are influencing people at any level, there are various seasons of results.  There are seasons of casting, when our best efforts just don't seem to produce any results.  There are season of fishing, when we see enough results to encourage us to keep going.  And there are seasons of catching, when the results of our impact on others is so great that it can barely be captured.

Whether you are a pastor, a teacher, a mom, a student, an orphan care advocate-- no matter where your place of influence is, be encouraged that there are relationships that are enhanced at all three levels -- casting, fishing, and catching -- if you are intentional about using your influence.  Keep investing.  Keep influencing.  Keep encouraging.  Let God bring the results in His timing.

While walking by the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon (who is called Peter) and Andrew his brother, casting a net into the sea, for they were fishermen.  And he said to them, “Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.” Immediately they left their nets and followed him.  And going on from there he saw two other brothers, James the son of Zebedee and John his brother, in the boat with Zebedee their father, mending their nets, and he called them.  Immediately they left the boat and their 
father and followed him.  (Matthew 4:18-22)

Thanks for reading.  Fish for people today.

4theVoiceless,
Al

Making the Most of Moore and Newtown

The News You Never Want to Hear

The meetings for this past Monday at our Colonial Hills Church staff advance were drawing to close when we first learned of the deadly tornadoes in Oklahoma that had happened earlier in the day.  After making sure my sister and her family, -- who live in Broken Arrow -- were okay, I began to watch the news about the devastation of this storm.  News that included injuries to one of our church member's parents, injuries that they would survive.  News of damage that resembled a war zone.  And news of the numbers of children in the Oklahoma City suburb of Moore among the casualties.

Normally, the focus of the 4theVoiceless blog is children who have lost or been separated from their parents, but as the funerals have now begun for the children killed in the Oklahoma tornado, I felt compelled to write as a parent today.  A parent grieving with those who will bury their children over the next few days.  A parent who grieved with the parents in Newtown, Connecticut, late last year as they buried their children.

I have walked through the steps of grief with some good friends who lost their 10-year-old son almost a decade ago in an automobile accident.  The Lord was so gracious to them as they steadfastly placed their hope and trust in Him, even amidst their enormous grief.  I know that in Newtown, Connecticut, and in Moore, Oklahoma, you can multiply my friends' grief many times over, and that is an overwhelming thought to me.  I pray for their ability to trust in the Lord, even as the world as they know it has changed forever. 

Newtown and Moore have caused me to reflect on my own children and how grateful I am to still have them with us.  Having dedicated them to the Lord when they were all very young, I am aware that they belong to Him and that Loretta and I are caretakers of His children.  God will take them on His timing, just as He will us.  I hope that that time comes long after we are gone, but, as we have seen with the tragedies in Connecticut and Oklahoma, we have no such guarantees.

Celebrating My Children

I can't imagine life without any of my own children.  I'm so proud of them, for who they are and what they are doing to make a difference in this world. 

Ashton is in Russia right now, loving on orphans alongside Russian college students.  You can read more about that trip in "To Russia With . . . Hesitation?" 

In the photo to the right, she is holding a mouse (or rat, depending on whom you ask) that one of the kids in one of the orphanages had as a pet.  The girl then took the mouse back and put it on Ashton's head.  Ugghhhh!

I am very grateful for the young woman of integrity (amidst the goofiness) that she is and for how she is making a difference in the world . . . right now.


Garrett is finishing up his first year at Lewisburg High School after homeschooling for his first 9 years of school.  I think it was a courageous move on his part.  He has made good grades and found his place on the baseball team.  Though his freshman team's season ended several weeks ago, he gets to be a part of the varsity team that plays for a state championship tomorrow.  He knows the value of simply being a part of the team.  From all accounts he has made a positive impact on his school, and I am very proud of who he is.  He heads to FCA camp next week, and I eagerly anticipate how the Lord will use that in his life and in the lives of others.

Drew is having a blast during Garrett's baseball season, running around and playing with his friends Robinson and Tate (other little brothers of guys on the team).  I have thoroughly enjoyed all the trips to games and the father-son time that he and I have enjoyed over the last few months. 

Drew has recently committed to go on our church's mission trip to Haiti next February, trusting God more than his bank account to provide the necessary funds.  (For those of you who don't know Drew, he's 10 and without a viable job to pay for such a trip; God has already given him a glimpse of His provision for this trip!)  The kids at the House of Abraham are going to love him, and they have the most potential of actually wearing him out -- though I will believe that when I see it!  I love Drew's relentless energy (though, admittedly, it drives me crazy sometimes) and look forward to seeing it used for God's glory in Haiti and other places.

Celebrating Your Children

If you are reading this post today and you have children, I beg you to take time to celebrate them for who they are (not so much for what they have done) and make the most of every moment you have with them.  Use the disaster in Oklahoma and the tragedy in Connecticut to break the ice and say the things that you need to say to your kids.  We are not promised tomorrow with them.  Simply, make the most of today.

Thanks for reading. 

4theVoiceless,
Al